


i hate u, i love u (ft. Starker)

by askmyknife



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Infinity War never happened, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Mutual Pining, Prompt Fic, Song fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21812338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/askmyknife/pseuds/askmyknife
Summary: Three years ago, Peter had messed up, big time."I love you," he had blurted out, unable to keep it in any longer.--n.b. this is a re-post from my old account. :)
Relationships: Peter Parker/Tony Stark
Comments: 7
Kudos: 145





	i hate u, i love u (ft. Starker)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SugarDowney](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SugarDowney/gifts).



> original prompt: 
> 
> 'I Hate U, I Love U ft. Olivia O'brien' by Gnash - [mutual pining/ANGST] Peter accidentally confesses to Tony and to avoid tempation, Tony seemingly cuts ties (while still keeping tabs on the kid through Karen). They both "move on" but can't stop thinking about the other.

Three years ago, Peter had messed up, big time. 

The more time he spent with Tony, the more he thought there was a tiny chance the older man could feel the same for him. After all, there were plenty of vigilantes out there, young and old, and yet, Tony had chosen _him_ . Why? Why had he only cared for _him?_ Why had he been only making _him_ a million dollar suit? Why _him?_ Peter had been pretty sure that Tony had better things to do than to care for him, so if he did, then, maybe… just _maybe_ , Peter had a chance with the man.

And so, with the involuntary help of liquid courage (and Ned getting him that said liquid courage), Peter had confessed. Now, mind you, because of his faster metabolism, he was not able to get properly drunk, but he had been tipsy enough to make a bad decision. Scratch that — a _momumentally catastrophic_ decision: Peter had decided to confess the way he felt.

Yeah. It was _that_ bad. 

> _"Tony… I have something I really need to tell you."_
> 
> _Tony looked as worried as he could get, Peter supposed, jumping out of his stool to meet him, placing his hand on his shoulder. (Had Peter really sounded that terrible?) "Pete? What are you doing here? Everything okay, kid? What happened? Talk to me."_
> 
> _Peter melted, heart leaping in his chest. Tony was so, so caring… Peter couldn't contain his happiness when he was in his presence. He had burried those feelings for far too long now, and they needed to come out. He wanted to be with Tony. He didn't just want to be a call away. He didn't want to talk to him only once a week, or once a month if he was unlucky. He wanted to see that smirk every day, those eyes every night, and those hands on him, not just on his back..._
> 
> _"I love you," he had blurted out, unable to keep it in any longer._

Tony had frozen hearing those words. He remembered that moment every day, every night. It crushed him all the same, every day since the past three years, as though it had never stopped playing on a loop in his mind.

He had feared that moment. Deeply feared it. Because really, Tony had been no fool; no matter how he had blinded himself to the heart eyes Peter gave him. He had _known_ that there had been something more going on than mere admiration. Sometimes, he would tell himself he only believed so because of his inflated ego, but he knew that wasn't it. Peter had actual feelings for him. A crush, probably. But love?

How could a guy who had just started college know anything about _love_ ? He couldn't. Tony himself wasn’t even sure he understood the feeling to begin with. And yet, Peter was still at the age of learning how to function as an adult. He was still figuring how his freshman classes and how he was adjusting to being a college student and Spiderman at the same time. But the _way_ Peter had told him, with so much vulnerability and so much hope — fuck, Tony had almost gave in. Almost.

But he couldn't. He absolutely couldn’t. He was the older adult here, the responsible one — ironically — and he could not have ignored how wrong it was. Tony already despised himself for even considering the thought of being with Peter back then, or ever. The age difference was a major factor at play, sure, but for Tony, it was far from being just that. Peter was so pure, so good, so damn adorable and kind and he deserved so, so much better than Tony. He deserved a nice girl or a nice boy his age, that would hold his hand, go on dates, kiss during a movie at the cinema. Someone he could bring to a dinner date, somehow he could introduce to his Aunt May, someone he could _actually be with._ Tony didn't have to look anywhere to know that dating a college student was a bad idea for him. Not that that actually scared him; Tony could care less about what happened to him. He simply didn't want to hurt Peter. Never Peter.

Peter was too good. Too damn good. Life was going to ruin him at one point, but Tony didn’t want to be the one to accelerate the process. 

And yet, Tony had hurt him in such a horrible way. God, those _eyes_ when Tony had rejected him. Fuck, it had been horrible. Tony deeply regretted how he had rejected him, because fuck, he should have found a better way. He should have mentionned Pepper, because he tecnically had been getting back with her at the time, but he hadn't. No, instead he had torn the boy apart, simply because he couldn't handle it. Because he couldn't handle the love Peter felt for him and he certainly could not handle the love he felt for Peter. Tony only had so much self-restraint he could muster. It would have been so easy to just grab Peter and kiss him like there was no tomorrow, tell him that he'd give anything for him, that he wanted to be with him more than he could let on, and that he'd never let him go.

But that would have been too selfish, because he knew that while Peter was the best for him, Tony was the worst for Peter.

The way he had handled the rejection proved his point.

> _"Peter… Kid," Tony replied, gulping before he moved his hand away, and took a step back. He shook his head slightly, and sighed._
> 
> _"Tony, I--"_
> 
> _Tony ran his hand down his face, nearly shaking as he knew not hot to handle any of this. "I can't do this. We can't do this. I can't even believe we're having this conversation," He muttered, before he finally faced Peter. "Do you realize I'm old enough to be your father? Peter, you don't love me. You have a crush, and it'll go away. You'll get a crush on someone in your class, and you'll date them. It'll be fine. This'll be fine. Okay? Now I'm going to get Happy to get you back home, you—"_
> 
> _"I do love you! I love you more than--"_
> 
> _"No," Tony interjected him. "This isn’t happening. Just—Go home, Peter. Please."_

"Pete? Day dreaming again?"

Peter blinked as he turned his head to Ned, sighing heavily. "Day nightmare-ing, more like..."

"Fought a bad criminal this morning before coming to NYU?" Ned rose a brow, and Peter chuckled.

Oh, if _only_ it had been that. Fighting off criminals was clearly easier than thinking about Tony.

How could Tony even have thought that this was just a crush? That it would go away? That Peter would date someone his age and every feeling he had for him would magically disappear? God, it was a joke. It had been _three_ years, Peter was close to graduating from his university altogether, and _yet_ , he was still completely head over heels for Tony. Fuck, it was infuriating. He had tried dating other people, mind you, but as much as Peter liked them, he had to end it. Because they were not Tony, and his stupid heart belonged to him.

"Not really, just thinking about… you know what," Peter grumbled, sighing. 

"Oh," Ned nodded. He did know what. "Talked to him recently?"

"Nope. Last time was six months ago, and even Happy had talked more to me that day," Peter explained, rolling his eyes. "I just wish… I'd move on, you know?"

Because oh, Peter really, really needed to move on. He waited impatiently for the morning he'd wake up and suddenly, he wouldn't feel a thing for Tony.

The worst part was, he wasn't sure he actually wanted to. What he _really_ wanted was some miracle to happen and suddenly Tony would want him. But honestly, who was he kidding? He was going tonight to Tony's _engagement_ party to Pepper. Now, Peter had debated not going, and if he was honest he wasn't sure he even was going to go, but what an insult it all was. He supposed that Tony thought Peter would have long moved on by then, since he thought that all Peter felt was just a tiny, _stupid_ crush. Oh, if only it was.

Peter barely paid attention to his classes that day, wondering just what he was going to do about the party. Ned suggested he go with someone, so it would make it seem like he came with his new "lover", and although it wasn't a bad idea, was Peter that petty?

But then again, it wasn't even to rub it in Tony's face. It was only to save his. He'd go to the party, bring someone hot so it seemed like he had moved on just like Tony expected he would, he'd pretend to be happy about his engagement, say nice things to Ms. Potts (who would soon be Mrs. Stark — Peter cringed at the thought), and he would leave. After that, maybe Tony would stop avoiding him like the plague because it would be clear to him that Peter had moved on. Yeah. That was a good plan. Only, MJ was uninterested in going and Ned had a midterm the next day (some professors were wild enough to give exams on Saturdays), and so Peter had to go with one of his new friends; Jacob. Now, Jacob was cool and agreed, but Peter would have preferred someone like MJ or Ned, who were familiar with the situation.

But Jacob would do.

He arrived with him around 7 like the invitation said, and fuck, it was fancy. Of course it was fancy.

Peter felt so damn jealous that it wasn't _him_ Tony was getting engaged to, that each time he saw Pepper, it was hard not to glare. Obviously, he was on his best behaviour, smiling in her direction and _smiling_ when she came forward to talk to him and Jacob. It wasn't that he had anything against Pepper, she was lovely, but he was just so damn jealous. He wanted Tony. He wanted Tony all to himself, and he would never have him.

This wasn't fair.

He excused himself to go to the bar; and drank. He took shots whenever he could, and anyone his size would have been on the floor by now. Granted, it was more than Peter had ever drank and quite frankly it was not his wisest decision, because he was starting to feel sick, but he didn't care. He really didn't care. He had left Jacob alone in this mess, and he was not even able to have a conversation with Pepper, who was being so nice and bubbly. God, what had he become?

"I think that'll be enough."

Peter gulped and froze at that voice; he didn't even have to turn around to know who it belonged to. Tony.

The bartender took the shot away, and Peter let out a shaky breath. "What's going on, Pete?"

Oh.

_Oh._

Peter laughed. It was a shaky laugh, one that was not mean to be funny, because truth be told Peter just wanted to _cry_ , or scream, even, but he laughed. _What's going on?_ Was Tony serious? Suddenly, Peter's plan was thrown out the window as he turned around to face Tony. Fuck him. Fuck him and this goddamn party, fuck him and his engagement. He could take back his suits for all Peter cared; Peter would invent new ones. He was done being treated like he was nothing, done being pushed aside like a broken toy because he had _feelings_. So what if he loved him? It wasn't his fault!

"You. You are what's going on, _Mr. Stark_ ," Peter spat. Oh, it had been a while since he called him that. He took a large gulp of his glass of water (his mouth was starting to feel like a warzone), and then slammed the glass on the counter. "I'm leaving," he stated, thankful the door out of the ballroom was right beside the bar, making it easy for him to walk the hell out of there, into one of the empty hallways of the hotel.

"Peter!" Tony shouted, following him out and into the elevator when Peter got into one, stopping the doors from closing. Once inside, Tony pushed on the emergency button to stop the elevator altogether.

What the hell did he _want_? God, Peter just wanted to go home. He had made a complete fool out of himself. He had done worse than if he had not gone at all. He should not have gone there to begin with. He should have stayed home, and screamed in his pillow as Tony and Pepper celebrated their engagement together. Anything would have been better than this. Anything.

"Let me go, Tony," Peter gulped, hands curling into fists as he began shaking. "Go back to your stupid engagement party! I don't want to be here! How could you have even invited me here when you knew how I feel about you!"

"I didn't," Tony sighed, running his hand down his face. "Pepper—"

"Oh so _she_ invited me? That's—Fantastic. Great. Perfect. I'm sure you have better things than deal with me, stupid _kid_ Peter Parker who has had a silly crush that lasted god knows how long. But I'm sure it's ready to go away real soon, _Mr. Stark_ ," Peter let out sarcastically. 

To think he used to say Mr. Stark with so much adoration, and now? It was filled with venom. He breathed heavily, his head spinning. He just wanted to get out. He wanted to leave, go back home, curl up in his bed and watch a stupid show to take his mind off of all of this. Every minute he spent here, the more he embarrassed himself and he was pretty sure that if Tony didn't let him go now, he'd do something even more stupid, like grab his face and start kissing him, desesperately, just to at least know what it felt like before Tony'd be married. And finally, all of Peter's silly thoughts about _maybe_ being able to be with him would finally be thrown out the window.

But Peter did nothing, he stayed there, staring at Tony while the older man stared back at him, not having said a word yet. God, Peter wished he knew what he was thinking. Was he thinking that he would have to just never talk to Peter again now? Was he thinking about how he was going to take away his suits, or how he was going to be able to keep the Iron Man/Spiderman professional relationship going because of all of this?

"Say something," Peter said quietly, unable to bear the silence any longer.

But Tony didn't say anything. Instead, he closed the distance between them, pinning Peter to the nearest wall and crashed his lips upon his.

_Holy shit._ Holy shit, Tony was kissing him. What the fuck? Peter could barely register it. It took him way too long to his liking to get over his shock before he began kissing Tony back. But when he did, oh, he gave it his all. He didn't know what the hell had made Tony want to suddenly kiss him, but he was going to take it. Maybe it was out of pity for the boy? Because he knew he would never get Tony? Oh that was just cruel, but Peter didn't care. He was going to take every second of this, because he needed it. Needed to get it out of his system. That is, if he ever could.

Peter kissed Tony like there was no tomorrow, hands up in his hair, tugging at it until suddenly even that wasn't enough. His tongue explored his lips and then his mouth when Tony groaned and parted his lips. Their tongues danced together as Peter deepened the kiss, his hands moving down Tony's back, gripping at the clothes he so desesperately wished to remove. God, he was so angry at Tony, for doing this now, and for not doing this three years ago, but he had no voice to tell him. No, he just wanted to keep on kissing him until he could not longer breathe.

And even then, even when they were both panting, they still chased each other's lips like this would be the last time their lips would touch another's--because Peter was well aware that for him, it was. No one compared to this. No one compared to Tony. Damn him. Damn him to have made Peter so damn hopelessly in love with him, craving any moment like it was drug.

He knew this stupid, he knew this was wrong, for fuck sake Tony was supposed to be at his engagement party, but Peter spoke up a little piece of his mind nonetheless. That depraved part that forgot his moral compass saying that doing anything with a man who was taken was completely wrong.

But Tony pulled away and horror had struck his features. Peter figured the man finally came to his senses and realized he had been kissing a college student against an elevator wall, the night of his engagement party.

"Shit,” Tony first let out, running a hand down his face. “I shouldn’t have done this. I shouldn't want you." 

_He wants me?_

"I'm engaged, Peter, and I'm too old and I’m--"

"So what? You think I care about your age? You think I ever did? I don't care if it's wrong, I want you. And you want me," Peter pointed out, and fuck, he wanted to know how long. Was it new? Or did he want him back then, too? Was it more than just physical? Did he feel the same way?

"Peter…”

And then they heard a buzzing sound. A call from Pepper. Of course. She was wondering where his husband-to-be was. God, Peter felt absolutely sick. He couldn't do this. Tony was going to get married. To _her._ He was going to keep telling him that he was too old, that he wasn’t good enough, or whatever the hell he had told himself. This was no use. Even if Tony wanted him, it was clear that he wouldn’t allow himself this. 

"I need to...go.." Peter gulped, his voice shaking. He was pretty sure this was going to be the last time he ever saw Tony. If Tony avoided him for innocently confessing his feelings three years prior, he certainly was going to never want to speak to him again after this.

But Tony turned off his phone and took a hold of Peter's chin, tilting his head to make him look at him. "Sweetheart, I'm not letting you go anywhere."

"But Pepper..."

Tony sighed. "I'm going to tell her later that… the whole thing is off."

Peter widened his eyes. "What?" Was this a dream? It had to be. There was absolutely no way Tony was calling off his wedding to Pepper just to be with him. No way. His heart stammered against his chest; he wanted to believe it so badly, but he wasn't sure if his heart was ready to be broken if he was wrong, or if he was passed out in a ditch and imagining this.

"I've wanted you since… too long, Pete. But I knew it was wrong of me to. You're so good, Peter. I tried to protect you from me. I was just going to ruin you. I'm sorry," Tony explained, and he looked so sincere, so vulnerable, Peter just had to believe him.

Peter inched closer, hands cluthing onto his suit jacket. His hands were shaking; he could not believe Tony had wanted him all this time. God, he was angry to think that all those years, he could have been with him. All those years, Tony had avoided Peter, made him feel like he was worthless, and yet he had wanted him. While Tony thought rejecting him was the right thing to do, it was been doing what had completely _ruined_ him. But despite all that anger, all that frustration, and all the sadness he had felt during all those years, Peter couldn't help but forgive him in a instant. Without a doubt, without a second thought. Because this was Tony, and he absolutely could not place him above anything else. This was _Tony_. And Tony wanted him. Yeah, no anger in the world would have prevented Peter for wanting him back.

"What changed?" Peter asked quietly. 

"My restraint."

"Are you gonna change your mind in a year from now? A month? I...I really need to know this, Tony. It killed me when… you said all of those things three years ago," Peter confessed. He felt so small. So vulnerable. Like he was going to re-live it all over again.

"Oh, sweetheart." Tony brought his hand to Peter's cheek, stroking it softly. "I'm yours, Pete. It was a mistake to reject you and it was a mistake getting back with Pepper. I thought I could get over you. I thought it had been all for the best. Instead I made myself miserable and have broken the hearts of the two people I cherish the most. Pepper won't be too surprised, she has been expected me to call this off any minute now, but still. I think a part of her knew this whole time my heart belonged to someone else."

_My heart belonged to someone else._

"To...To me?" Peter mumbled, unable to believe it. He had to replay every word Tony had told him to be able to fully register it, and even so. He would ask him to say it over, and over, and over. It would never be enough.

"Yes, sweetheart. To you."

Peter grinned.

"There it is," Tony smiled.

Peter threw his arms around Tony and held on tight to him, giving him a strong embrace. He buried his head in his neck and held onto him for dear life, sobbing of joy. Tony wrapped his arms around him in return, and kissed Peter's head gently. They remained like this for a few minutes, before Tony pulled away a little to look down at Peter and speak up.

"I have to go talk to Pepper. Do you want to wait for me in the hotel? I'll just explain everything to her, and then we can leave. We can go anywhere you want."

"Anywhere I want?" Peter smiled. It honestly didn't matter where they'd go; all mattered was that he would be with Tony. Finally with Tony.

"Anywhere you want."

And with that being agreed on, the pair fixed themselves up, and Tony pushed back on the emergency button to make the elevator functional again, pressing on the second floor to get to the ballroom. But when the doors opened, Peter panicked a little, thinking that when Tony would walk out those doors, he might realize the mistake he had made and never end up meeting Peter in the lobby, because it was crazy to throw away an engagement for college student.

"Tony."

Tony stood in between the doors, turning around to face Peter. "Yes?" 

"I love you."

Peter gulped then. He was so nervous. What if this went just as bad as the first time? It was unlikely, given what had just happened between then, but _what if._ Peter was completely terrified. He wanted this to work so bad. Now that he knew he had a chance, now that he knew a part of Tony had always wanted him—he wasn't so sure he'd ever be able to move on if Tony ever changed his mind.

But the look in Tony's eyes indicated he had not, and then Tony smiled, in such a fond way that it made Peter want to burst into happy tears again.

"I love you too, sweetheart."


End file.
